I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
