I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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