also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
