I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
