There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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