You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize