And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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