I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
