Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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