He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
