He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
