I can text with my tongue
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
