Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
