It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
