Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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