ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
