she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
