Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
