Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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