you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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