Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(613): View more from Ontario

she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent

(613): View more from Ontario

I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM

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(778): View more from British Columbia

The beer is more important than you right now.

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(315): View more from New York

Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

Fav 82 11649 2013
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.

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(951): View more from California

Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.

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(941): View more from Florida

oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.

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(206): View more from Washington

That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.

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