What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
