nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
