I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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