I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
