I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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