I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
