And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
