yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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