Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
