I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
