I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
