absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
