Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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