everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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