i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
