We named our party play list daddy issues
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
