Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
someone owes me an orgasm
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
