He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
love makes seman taste better
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
