So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
