someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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