Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
