It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
