Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
