apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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