There was a lot of him and a little penis
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
