Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
