I should be sponsored by Trojan
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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