I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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