I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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