Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my phone needs a breathalizer
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
