My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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