what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize