We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
