I just saw a hot homeless man
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
