I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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