I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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