just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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