So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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