she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
