i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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