yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
