i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
