that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
