Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
