Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
