i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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