We named our party play list daddy issues
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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