so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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