fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I love you. Go after that dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
