I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
