you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
