she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
