Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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