someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The uberlube is also flammable
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
