Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
